Some Christmas humor.

Christmastree

These are all cut and paste, so the font, formatting, and spacing is all going to suck. Thank you, Vox.)

A four-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited ... and waited.

After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
Because they  were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

SantaClaus

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Snowballs.

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger.  One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"

And my favorite:

One Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was behind schedule.

Then, Mrs. Claus told him that her mom was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

When he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground, scattering the toys.

Frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hiddem the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door.

Tree_angel

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have this beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?

Thus began the tradition of the little angel atop the Christmas tree.